Keep an Open Mind, But Not Open Enough for Your Brains to Fall Out!

The answer is, the same way as all religious leaders, spiritualists, clairvoyants and mystics do it, largely by understanding dozens of cognitive biases that ordinary people are blissfully unaware of, and then exploiting these weaknesses to manipulate and con them.

Bearing in mind it takes me 3 days to teach this art to Lawyers, Politicians and top-flight Sales Professionals, why don’t we just explore a quick example of how that might happen, right here, on our little island of Cyprus.

Let’s say, hypothetically, that you were somebody looking to ‘Tee Up’ some mugs, perhaps to make money from some kind of spiritual, faith healing type, bullshit event.

How would you need to go about that?

Well, without going into excruciating detail;

First off, you’d need to fill a room up with Gullible and Vulnerable People.

You’d first need to focus on the gullible, because they tend to know and attract the vulnerable people like shit to a blanket, so you get two for the price of one.

Vulnerable people are often those dealing with real heavy issues, like; bereavement, divorce, bankruptcy, disease, depression, loneliness, abuse or chronic pain, and the gullible people they tend to connect with are, in the following order;

1/ Women!

Particularly on spiritual issues.

Most women seek security and certainty a tad more than men do, and also, though not always, women are politer, and less likely to call ‘Bullshit’ on spiritual claims and testimony’s, and instead will often ‘go with the flow’, and ‘just take a look at something’, but whilst keeping an ‘open mind’, of course.

2/ Vegetarians are up next, or anyone with a derivative of the plant-based eating disorder, because these people are well known in psychological terms as; ‘Compliers’, meaning they tend to do as they're told, and follow the herd.

Again, women score way higher on this count.

Women also outnumber men in terms of Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression and Alzheimer’s, by a staggering 4 to 1 (its hormonal if anyone’s wondering, and totally driven by a stupid diet and environmental toxins, so its avoidable!).

3/ Next would be Yoga teachers, and anyone in any way concerned with ‘Alternative Health’, Meditation, Chi Gung and Tai Chi, etc. Even massage therapists are often believed to possess some spiritual powers by the vulnerable among us.

As a Karate instructor (from age 21 to 55), I would often have people consult me on ‘Spiritual Issues’ and the paranormal etc, but unlike any Yoga teacher I’ve ever met, I’d always honestly tell the person that my understanding and personal relationship with spirituality was simply my level of ‘Awareness’ of everything in our ‘Observable Universe’, and my continued commitment to studying it.

Spirituality had (and has) I’d tell them, nothing whatsoever to do with the ‘Unobservable Universe’, faith healing, talking to the dead, religion, meditation, taking drugs, or walking around smelling my own farts thinking I’m somehow superior to everyone else because I only eat Brussel sprouts.

That’s called ‘Virtue Signalling’ by the way, and you’d only have to attend a trade show with the word’s ‘mind’, ‘body’ or ‘spirit’ on the door to experience an example of those bullshitters.

Or, it often shows up when you sit down to eat with people, and the menu has tons of veggie options, yet someone always has to still make it known, somehow, that they’re a vegetarian.

Usually by asking the waiter a stupid question like; ‘and there’s definitely no meat in this egg salad? Because I’m a vegetarian’ Ever heard that?

Clever restauranteurs have even cottoned on to this, and name certain dishes and items with the prefix ‘Vegetarian’, so instead of it being a ‘3 bean salad’ it becomes a ‘Vegetarian 3 bean salad’, and any good waiter will tell you how they can both smell the farts, and see the smugness on the faces of those ordering the items.

And smug punters spend more money, tip better, recommend their friends, and come back more often, so why not string them along.

Quick true story; When we owned ‘Pie in the Sky’ a pizza/pasta restaurant in St James’ Street, Brighton, we used to offer a ‘vegetarian lasagne’ which was basically just stuffed with vegetables instead of mince beef. And, because we were so close to the university, we had more than our fair share of veggie customers.

But one evening, purely by mistake you understand, I served up a table of 6 vegetarian teachers with the regular beef lasagne!

I didn’t have the knowledge I have today back in 1988, and by the time I discovered the cock up they were already tucking in like a pack of wolves, but I was terrified at the thought that perhaps one of them might be allergic to the beef and die.

I was called to the table and asked; “what’s in this? It’s delicious”. “Soya mince” I replied, “but I can make you a plate of vegetables to go with it if you think it needs it”

It didn’t evidently!

They all licked their bowls dry, and, from that point forward we were inundated with orders from excited vegetarians from all over Brighton and Hove, who visited our restaurant in anticipation of this incredible, delicious, new ‘meat substitute’.

Over the next six months we must have dished up a thousand portions to hundreds of nutrient starved vegetarians, and guess what?

Not one of them ever called bullshit, nor asked to see the packaging that the alleged soy mince product came in. And had anyone have done so I can assure you we would have ended the joke pretty damn quickly.

But, in hindsight, I’m guessing that besides those first 6 teachers, who survived the mistake with full belly’s and a sense of deep satisfaction and nourishment that only animal protein can provide, no one else questioned it, because they all thought; ‘someone else must have done!’

That’s why vegetarians are known as ‘Compliers’, and so if Doris did a juice fast last month and has never felt better (and god forbid Doris is a vegan yoga instructor to boot), then the herd will follow suit without hesitation, questions, or independent research.

Of course, there’s no such bloody thing as a ‘Juice Fast’.

That was simply invented by the salespeople who sell juicers and juicing recipe books.

How the hell can you claim to be on a ‘Fast’, while you’re drinking a thousand calories worth of fruit and veg a day?

Next month, of course, Doris will be on the Alkaline diet, and a month after that a liver cleanse, then she’ll be looking for a friend to join her in having her bowels irrigated, and so on the madness goes.

And of course, it goes without saying, what with all this ‘Virtue Signalling’, that Doris must also be a font of information on all spiritual matters, possibly even having a direct line to god.

Me and Yoga Teachers. A Quick Rant!

If I had to make a law that everyone had to do some form of exercise, then bizarrely enough it’d be some form of yoga, that’s how much respect I have for it.

In fact, I do 20 to 60 minutes of it every morning.

But my respect for yoga ‘only’ stretches as far as a system of health and fitness, and not as a means to spiritual enlightenment and mind control, especially not in such a frantic world we live in today, which couldn’t be further from ancient India than if we tried.

I’d also make it a law that yoga teachers keep their big mouths shut about anything other than yoga!

Why the hell, for example, anyone would consult them on matters of diet, nutrition, general health, or the paranormal, is beyond me, but consult them they most certainly do.

And two things you can always rely on a yoga teacher to have is; 1/ an arsehole, and 2/ an opinion on just about any subject other than yoga!

But perhaps I see yoga teachers in a different light than the lay public does.

First off, I know how easy it is to learn, and absolutely anyone with a background in dance, gymnastics or martial arts, can take to it like a duck to water.

So, a person shouldn’t be overly impressed, since it would take just an average person, let alone a gymnast, no more than 200 hours of study, over just a month, to become ‘fully qualified’.

But trust me when I tell you, that that’s only because the bullshitters who run these 200-hour courses need to justify the fees they charge, so they drag it out somewhat.

Over the years of my personal life, I’ve been privileged to love an Ice Dancing Champion, a Professional Dancer, a High Board Diver, a Karate Black Belt, and a Gymnast, all of whom mastered Yoga in under 40 hours!

That, and again, since most women can already lick their own elbows on day one anyhow, they take to it better than men, who, by and large, are far less flexible.

Those men who do take to it, are often ‘failed’ or ‘wannabe’ martial artists, gay men, weak veggie types, or sad wimpy dudes simply trying to get closer to dipshit women.

And as for all the hoo ha about meditation these days, I fail to see the benefits of mindfulness combined with stillness, peace, and tranquillity.

How come?

Well, don’t you already get 6 to 9 hours of that each night?

Try and remember, yoga was designed 5,000 yrs. ago, for bronze age people.

Or, if you like, someone living up a mountain or in the woods in India and wearing a shit stained nappy, with little else to do all day.

Put one of those gurus in the middle of Trafalgar Square for a week (not just sitting there, but actually working), and they’d have both a nervous breakdown, and a more than urgent need for their adult nappy to be changed!

In our modern, frantic world, it would be more practical to practice the postures and meditation whilst having someone try and punch your face in, but then that’s called Martial Arts, not yoga, and is difficult to master, even for a gymnast, often taking more like 2,000 hours, and over many years of tuition.

And then, only if you’re made of the right stuff in the first place!

I don’t know the stats on how many people attending a month-long yoga course in Thailand actually fail to become qualified coaches, but I’m betting it’s not very many (if any).

But what I can tell you, is that the failure rate of people wanting to be martial arts instructors in the system I studied (Goju Ryu), was a staggering 97%.

So being in awe of a yoga teacher is kind of hilarious from my background, as is making any crazy leaps in logic about their intellectual capacity, such as that because this person knows how to tie themselves into a human pretzel while controlling their breathing, then it follows that they must also be very genuine and spiritual people on a quest for self-mastery, and thus, will also have an abundant knowledge of diet and nutrition.

They're most often not what they seem, or how the public perceives them!

Unless you first met them atop the mountain at sunrise, and had to beg them to teach you each morning, then, likely as not, you sought out the yoga teacher and paid them for teaching you, yes?

Well, that’s called a business arrangement, and a basic principal of any business is not to piss your customers off. Not when they're paying your mortgage!

Of all the mental/physical/spiritual art forms I’ve ever studied or examined in 45 years of practical participation, I’ve never yet found one that wasn’t watered down, bastardized, spoilt, or outright ruined by adding money into the equation.

Please understand, no commercially minded coach wants you to fail or quit. Far from it, and most are usually super keen for you to not only stick at it, but to also recommend friends to them, and of course, to join the coach on any course or retreat they may be promoting.

And they’re always promoting something, aren’t they?

Whereas the master on the mountaintop doesn’t give a toss if you quit, and far from coddling you when you’re struggling, or trying sell you anything, this dude wants you to jump through hoops of fire before you go telling anyone he’s your teacher.

That’s the big difference between ‘old school’ teachers, who traditionally made their students’ lives hell to make the grade, and nowadays, where everyone has to think about ‘student retention’, and all training courses cover this subject, alongside advice on marketing yourself to become a successful business person.

Do you seriously think those issues ever factored into a yoga teachers’ mindset a thousand years ago?

However good yoga may have been 100 or a 1,000 years ago, any system of personal development will only ever be as good as the calibre of the people who pass through the door of the teaching course, let alone complete it, and the level to which they’ll happily ‘lower the bar’ for their adoring paying public.

And today, if that’s ‘everyone and his brother/sister’, because we’re all afraid of losing business, and more concerned with student retention and being politically correct (contributing to yoga’s worldwide revenue of $80 billion), then might the true essence of yoga, tai chi / martial arts, be lost forever?

It’s a financial arrangement in other words, and no longer an art form. In fact, it’s as far from a spiritual art form as a corn-fed battery hen with deformed legs is different from a pasture raised chicken, fed on insects.

Hope that makes some sense.

Even the idea of practicing yoga indoors, amidst a sea of electromagnetic interference from fluorescent lights, air conditioners, cell phones, and often being physically out of contact with the earth’s magnetic field, 2 floors above ground and on a rubber matt, is a joke.

It makes a mockery of the idea of truly ‘Communicating with the One’, or finding oneself in a state of ‘Undisturbed Calm’

This is why I advise my clients to; ‘Learn, or Teach Yourself Yoga’, because I want them out of the toxic environment of a studio as soon as possible, and practicing the art as intended; first thing in the morning on an empty stomach, outdoors, as near to naked as possible, on sand, grass, clay, dirt, or concrete, not on a rubber mat, but one made from cotton or leather (for the earths electrons to flow through).

I also want them well out of range of a yoga teachers bullshit dietary, nutritional, health, philosophical or spiritual advice. Because in 42 years of interacting with them I’ve yet to meet one that had a clue about anything other than the postures and the breathing.

Rant over, but I need you to connect the dots as to the type of mugs who need to get reeled in every time by various event organizers, and who start the ball rolling on filling up these events, bigtime.

Or filling any spiritual/health type event doing the rounds, with not only themselves, their family and friends, but with hordes of their clients who often tend to be the vulnerable types looking for meaning in their lives (which is admirable of course), but who trust in their various guru’s good judgment (which is a disastrous mistake).

So, regarding our hypothetical meeting we’re thinking of hosting, we must include anyone practicing in, or partaking of Yoga; Palmistry, Fortune Telling, Tarot Cards, Astrology, Aromatherapy, Homeopathy, Reiki, you name it, plus those involved in anything religious, of course.

And let’s not forget anyone remotely involved in pretending to be on a spiritual quest of some kind, but merely as an escape from some kind of pain or unhappiness, because they can never turn down an invite to anything mystical, and there are thousands of them.

In psychological terms, these people are described as ‘Diversionary Spiritualists’ and, as the name suggests, are people merely not wanting to confront problems with an abusive boss or spouse, for example, and who instead prefer to throw themselves headlong into a path of personal development, which inevitably involves health, diet, exercise, and the search for so-called spirituality.

And believe me, health, diet, exercise and spirituality can become a maze of bullshit that’s so complicated to find your way out of, it can protect a; diversionary spiritualist from ever confronting any real-life issues, often for more than a decade.

And, let’s also remember to invite anyone who’s ever heard a bump in the night, had their tea leaves read, or, god forbid, seen the number 911 three times a day for the past 18 years, and thought;

‘Oh my god, could it be the spirits of the 2,977 victims of 911 calling out to me? I must be so special (spiritual)!’

You don’t need to screen anyone for intelligence before inviting them to your show, because the mere fact they’ll show up to an event based on what someone else tells them allegedly happened with a spiritualist 60 years ago, tells you all you need to know.

You must also make sure the meeting is open to anyone, of any faith, so long as they do have faith (or the magic won’t work of course).

This way you widen your net for maximum profit.

Now you will have a room full of drippy people, none of whom will have spent longer than 10 minutes investigating something which could potentially harm their minds, BEFORE going, because they all have; Open Minds, and intend to learn all they need to know on the journey.

And just like ‘Open Sewers’, Open Minds get filled with shit!

Why investigate, they think; ‘if Sandra says it’s good it must be good, after all, she’s been a yoga teacher for all of 5 years, and does life coaching, so she must have the inside track on all things spiritual’, right?

Plus, these events are usually ‘Free’ to attend, so how could anyone possibly be looking to take advantage of anyone at a free event?

Or so the participants think.

Well, my idea of ‘Free’ must be different from everyone else’s, because I think free also means ‘free’ of anyone trying to put the guilts on the attendees for a ‘Donation’.

It would also be free of anyone trying to flog DVD’s, CD’s, Books, Magazines, Calendars, Crystals, Consultations, Audio Books and Music, before during and after the event.

Nor would anyone ask for my name, phone number or email address, since they’re all money making commodities, often referred to in London sales circles as ‘Muppet Lists’, and no doubt also highly sought after by the King of Nigeria, who often needs to park £20million quid in someone’s random bank account. So those email addresses come in handy.

People raising funds for a charity via a telemarketing operation also find these lists useful (and are legally able to keep 80% of every penny they raise!).

Anyone who’s ever ‘registered’ their name, address, phone number or email at any kind of a mind, body, spirit, or alternative health event, will be on a ‘Muppet List’ somewhere, and these lists are regularly sold to, and purchased by, event organisers and con men, cheap as chips.

Before the next step in running our event, let’s just further our education on how the mind works, and in so doing get some ideas for the best way to structure our hypothetical spiritual evening, only for maximum psychological impact and profit.

Hypnotism 101

Now, when you go to the cinema, let’s say to watch a James Bond film, you don’t get some bloke standing up in the middle of the movie shouting; ‘I’m a rally driver and that’s bollocks, no way could you drive an Aston Martin like that’. Do you ever hear that?

No. Or how about a Karate expert standing up and explaining how someone as puny as Pierce Brosnan, could never kill a man with those strikes and kicks!

What about a sadomasochist explaining how a 10 stone short arse like Daniel Craig, couldn’t possibly be up for full sex after being run over, blown up, beaten up, poisoned and shot on the same day (Casino Royale).

Or how about a builder trying to explain how it would be impossible to build an enormous secret underground base….and keep it a bloody secret from all the tradesmen required on such a project!

Not that you’ve ever wondered why that doesn’t happen in a cinema, although I’m sure you’ve sat through many Bond movies thinking to yourself; ‘yeah, right’, haven’t you?

Well, there are very good psychological reasons why no one stands up and calls bullshit in movie theatres, and it’s nothing to do with manners.

It’s because we’re all trained, from a very young age, to do something in our minds as soon as we hear the words; ‘Once Upon a Time’.

We suspend our Critical Faculties.

Plus, movie theatres are usually dark, which is extremely hypnotic.

Critical faculties are, if you like, the locks on your mind’s front door, and nothing bypasses the conscious mind and accesses the subconscious faster than a story.

Humans are suckers for a story, but it’s how we often learn and make sense of the world, and traditional native cultures pass their wisdom on through the use of fables and so on, which is brilliant, except when someone wants to mind fuck you using the same technique.

As a sales trainer, I could teach you 50 psychological manipulation techniques to use during a sales presentation, and only a high-level hypnotist would ever be able to recognise, or make sense of any of them.

But;

How many things could interrupt those techniques during a normal sales presentation?

The prospect can talk back, disagree or argue a point, be distracted by something, need a pee, answer a phone, hang up, walk out, anything.

So out of those 50 psychological sales tricks maybe you’d only get to use 10 or 20 effectively, and perhaps they don’t work as well as they could in a brightly lit boardroom, and on the prospects home territory.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could make the sales presentation on your turf, in a darkened room, with your prospect sitting in a semi reclined comfy chair, and on the understanding that they’re not to speak during the presentation?

And don’t forget, they also say; ‘Seeing is Believing’ for a reason, don’t they?

So, how about you make the presentation in a darkened room, with every bullshit statement you want to get across pinned to a visual story (a movie), since 70 to 80% of all information reaching the brain comes through the eyes, and all of that information goes unchallenged and uninterrupted, since that’s what we do in a cinema (we shut the fuck up), and, therefore, all the bullshit information we want to brainwash a person with goes straight into their subconscious mind, piggybacked on the film.

How about we even have a few people planted around the room saying things like; Ooooh, and Ahhhh, cheering and clapping enthusiastically at appropriate times, might that help sales?

So, if you want to sell complete bollocks to unsuspecting but ‘open minded’ people, then throw in a movie of whatever shite you're trying to sell them, because it works…; Like a Dream!

After the movie, people will often be heard saying things like, ‘I feel like it’s true, genuine, legit’ or whatever, and you can see I’ve emphasized the words; ‘I Feel’.

This is because the subconscious doesn’t talk to the conscious mind in words, but rather in feelings or emotions.

This also explains why people who discover they’ve been conned, or women who have ‘out of character’ one-night stands, when looking to rationalize their stupidity, will say things like; ‘I know I was an idiot, but it just felt so right at the time’

What this tells us, is that the conscious mind, which is there to protect our subconscious from being corrupted, was distracted, or off duty, rather like when a homeowner is distracted by a burglar at the front door for five minutes, while his accomplice robs the house via the back door.

That security guard that’s supposed to protect us from con men is, ‘out to lunch’ during any kind of movie or seminar, in the presence of a good hypnotist, or anyone who’s been coached by an excellent sales trainer!

If any normal human being, be they a police officer, a florist, or a PhD brain surgeon, thinks they can resist or defeat someone that’s armed with this hidden knowledge, they’re gonna get fucked. Guaranteed.

In fact, it’s the exact reason why the popular Mentalist, Derren Brown, does most of his live stage shows at University campuses, or loves to have lots of ‘clever people’ in the audience.

Because the smarter you think you are, the more likely you are to engage that person at the front door in a debate (instead of telling him to fuck off), while his buddy takes a handful of jewellery or your stereo via the back door.

It’s also why people who secretly know they’re mugs, like to let everyone know how they have an; ‘Open Mind’ about everything.

Am I making sense?

So, when they do get fucked, yet again, people will simply think someone bad took advantage of this good person, ‘for no good reason’, or that the person who got mugged for example, was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Like it was a random event that could have happened to anyone.

In other words, the ‘victim’ wants you to think its bad luck.

Let me tell you, over the years I’ve known lots of people with ‘Bad Luck’ who’ve gone for a walk down the backstreets of Brixton after clubbing at 3 am, wearing a Rolex!

I’ve also known people with open minds and bad luck, who’ve sat through 8-hour timeshare presentations where they’ve practically been held hostage, under the pretence of having ‘Already Won a Prize’, and just need to see the presentation through till the end to collect it!

Were they unlucky, ‘chance victims’ of naughty salespeople who had no intention of ever giving them a £300 TV (not without a signed contract and non-refundable deposit of more than 300 quid), or were they in fact gullible mugs who would do well to consider never having children, for fear of continuing their open-minded gene pool?

I know which of the above choices these people would pick for themselves, and yet, having trained timeshare sales people, I can assure you that timeshare street canvassers are not looking to fill these auditoriums with unqualified, unlucky, mentally retarded, poor, and non-credit worthy citizens.

No, far from it.

They’re looking to reel in bank managers, PhD’s, engineers, doctors, nurses, police officers and such like, well educated, middle class, credit worthy people, who all class themselves as both being open minded, and easily capable of sitting through a mere sales presentation, after which they think they’ll simply say; ‘No Thank You Squire’, and dance home with their free DVD player under their arm.

Back to Bullshit on Our Doorstep!

I have two lovely friends who were recently invited to a ‘Spiritual/Healing’ event currently doing the rounds in TRNC, which is fact what inspired me to write this article.

Needless to say, from what you’ve read so far, it involves a request for a ‘Donation’ at the door, a ‘4 hour’ movie, light refreshments, and a shit ton of ‘Junk for Sale’ throughout the evening.

As much as I had to bite my lip upon first discovering this, it was ultimately the fact that a yoga teacher had instigated the invites that sent me over the edge, and prompted me to write this long-arsed article.

The next time anyone invites you to anything that’s, shall we say; ‘Alternative’, here’s the criteria I’d use first, before considering attending.

You should apply, ask for, and understand;

1/ Scepticism

2/ Critical Thinking

3/ Standard of Proof

4/ Burden of Proof

5/ How to make an Argument

6/ How to spot the flaws in an Argument

And no, I’m not going to spoon feed you those 6 points, since the best lessons learnt are the ones where you do your own god damned research, or you hire a proper Life Coach, like me, to teach them to you.

So, a few hours of your own valuable time studying my 6 criteria above, together with discovering the many types of ‘Cognitive Biases’ that screw our lives up, and you’ll be bullshit bulletproof.

Applying ‘Critical Thinking’ and the steps outlined above, here’s how I’d have decided if I wanted to attend a meeting on the flavour of the month faith healer; “Bruno Gröning”.

Firstly, here some actual comments, lifted directly from the ‘Healers’ own website, in regular italics, with my comments in bold italics, as I hear them in my own mind, and as I read the text.

The Teaching of Bruno Gröning

Help and healing on the spiritual path

The teaching of Bruno Gröning is based on the influence that spiritual forces have on human beings. Or on the human mind, me thinks.

This influence is greater than most people realise. It’s even 30% effective according to the medical profession, who are, by and large, untrustworthy, so who knows how powerful placebo truly is?

Plus, many of these people are suffering less from an illness or disease, and more from a diagnosis from a physician, i.e, ‘it’s incurable’, or, ‘you have it for life’, or, ‘we can only manage the symptoms’ etc. All of which is bullshit, but Dr’s do this regularly with even simple health problems, like type 2 diabetes, asthma, IBS, arthritis or cancer.

More from Groning’s website;

The human being is like a "battery." To fulfil their tasks, a person has to keep taking in life energy.

Bruno Gröning compared a person to a battery. In daily life, everyone burns up energy. However, often not enough new life energy is absorbed to replace it. In the same way that an empty battery is incapable of functioning, a body without energy is also unable to fulfil its tasks. The consequences are fatigue, exhaustion, nervousness, anxieties and finally, illness. Who hasn’t got some shit going on from that list of grief? (remember, the bigger the net the more fish!)

Bruno Gröning’s teaching explains how an individual can obtain new energy. The belief in goodness is a necessary prerequisite, as is the will to be healthy. That’s their ‘get out of jail card’ for when your arm doesn’t grow back. You’re either not a believer in goodness, or you lack the will to be healthy.

The human body is constantly surrounded by healing waves which only have to be absorbed. According to Bruno Gröning, no illness is incurable, and this fact is confirmed by the healings that have occurred and have been medically verified. Bollocks! Bruno Gröning did some hospital rounds with some doctors who were investigating him, and a few patients reported feeling a little better, just as they might if you took a puppy from ward to ward.

So, the doctors then told Bruno that he could accompany them on all rounds, forever, but only in the presence of trained physicians. Bruno declined their offer, and yet chose to spin it (the ‘offer’) into somehow being evidence of the medical verification of his superpowers.

Later he was charged with causing the death of a child from the parent refusing medical treatment over his bullshit, he was banned from working, and the ‘offer’ from the doctors was retracted, yet, here we are 60 years later hearing how he was ‘medically verified’

These healings are spiritual and therefore not dependent on Bruno Gröning being physically present. Which is just as well, since he’s been dead for 60 years!

In order to absorb the Heilstrom (healing stream), the person seeking help sits with hands open, palms facing up. Their arms and legs are not crossed, as crossing them blocks the free flow of the healing stream. No, it doesn’t. Crossing arms and legs engages both hemispheres of the brain, which would snap you out of their bullshit trance.

Think about that for a moment; how do you sit when someone’s feeding you bollocks?

Arms and legs crossed, right? And who else thinks it odd that a divine power that can heal cancer, needs you in a specific position? I think being bent over on all fours and trousers down might be a better position to receive Bruno’s energy stream!

Thoughts about illness and personal problems have an inhibiting effect, while thoughts about something pleasant are beneficial. So, even though you could barely hobble up the fucking stairs, and have just sat through an exhausting 4-hour movie in debilitating pain, plus probably pissed your crimpoline slacks, keep your chin up darling, or it won’t work!

As the Heilstrom flows through the body, it makes contact with the organs which have been burdened through illness and begins its purification effect. This may lead to pain, which is an indication that the body is being cleansed. Or that you just sat through an excruciatingly boring 4 hr movie! Since the illness as such is not the will of God, it will gradually be removed. In some cases, this can be spontaneous. This is why it is essential for the person concerned not to dwell on his illness, but, rather, to believe that for God, no illness is incurable.

And yet, god gave salamanders and other reptiles the ability to regrow entire severed limbs, so it’s clearly within his divine power, but, throughout the whole of history, including Jesus, I can’t find one example of someone growing a limb back, or a quadriplegic recovering from a severed spinal column after visiting a healer!

Oh, hold on, perhaps they weren’t sitting in the right position (or couldn’t), and they lacked the will for healing, or didn’t believe in goodness enough.

Well, I suppose walking over landmines will make you into a bitter bastard!

Seriously, isn’t it funny that ‘god’ can only heal things that we already have tons of well documented evidence of people already healing, all by themselves?

In order to remain healthy, the friends of Bruno Gröning tune in to the Heilstrom every day. The Muslims pray 5 times a day, Catholics and Jews 3 times (4 on a Sabbath if they’re not working), 75% of all other religions pray each day, but how’s that working out for the world? They must all be praying for war, famine, natural disasters and cancer! A healthy body is the basis for living a life in harmony with oneself, other human beings and nature.

Bruno Gröning gives humanity a teaching. Yeah, don’t trust ze Germans!

The aim of the teaching of Bruno Gröning is to transform everyone into someone who is full of the joy of living and free from physical and emotional problems. Yet without taxation, how could we ever enjoy a tax rebate?

Here are the exact words from Bruno Gröning: “My teaching is an absolute statement of the truth of life. Many of my friends live by it and have had success. Accepting this teaching brought them complete inner transformation, which in many cases led to success with their health.” Wonderful anecdotal evidence that means absolutely nothing Bruno!

Bruno Gröning had only one aim: to help those in distress. He gave them his teaching to take with them on their way. It was not based on the intellectual, but rather on the intuitive perception of spiritual laws. On closer inspection, one discovers an unexpected complexity and realizes that it far exceeds the healing aspect, in that a person receives not only healing in his body, but also healing of his soul. He appealed to people to believe in the good and to put it into action. After making a generous ‘Donation’ of course!

Here are some Red Flags concerning Bruno Gröning that may go unmentioned at any ‘Free Meeting’ you may be invited to attend, yet took me no more than 30 minutes to discover for myself.

He was born in 1906, and died in 1959, age 52, of cancer!

So, a bit of a short-arsed life for someone with the inside track to God's healing powers, don’t you think?

He claimed to have powers at an early age, yet was unable to help either of his own sons, the first of which (Harald) died at age 9 in 1940 and (Gunter) passed away in 1949, also aged 9, and I might add, this child died while his dad was at the height of his (make believe) powers.

Bruno Gröning’s wife (Gertrude), also thought his healing powers were bullshit, and even tried to stop his ‘charitable activities’ just as they were becoming a ‘good little earner’, which is why, after the death of their 2^nd son, Gunter, in 1949, she left the Tosser.

I think she knew she’d married a man with no balls, since he’d been locked up for being a coward in 1943, because he wouldn’t shoot anyone during ze vor!

Ze Germans sent him to the front anyway, where, as happened to a lot of cowards, he was mysteriously wounded, just bad enough to be sent to a Russian prisoner of war camp, and returned to West Germany in 1945 as a refugee (most of them shot themselves in the foot or had a buddy shoot them in the shoulder).

His entire system of healing was based on love and belief, but, evidently, neither of his sons loved or believed in their dad enough to be saved, even with almighty god’s supreme power coursing through his veins.

Either that, or Bruno didn’t give a shit about either of his two beautiful children.

Oh, of course, the other option is that his powers were complete delusional bullshit!

Or, you can invoke the old chestnut of; ‘God was testing him by killing his children, and moves in mysterious ways’

According to Bruno, ‘Health’ was the ‘Normal’ state for a human being, and I’m in agreement with him there, yet he constantly suffered with the most outrageous example of goitre I’ve ever seen (a simple thyroid deficiency shown below)