The Vegan High, You’re Not Dying to Try!

One more secret to share with you today, in this chapter of; Make a Vegetarian Cry.

Do you want to know why some of these vegans, raw or fruit nutters you meet, seem so energetic and high?

Do you think it’s their wholesome diet?

That’s what they want you to buy into because they don’t know any different either. Bullll.. Shiiiiit.

Here’s how your amazing body really works;

After you’ve fucked it up left and right for long enough, starved it of good quality proteins and vital fats, cannibalised any remaining minerals from your own bones, and become totally deficient of fat-soluble vitamins, together with fucking up your absorption from all the grains, and stuffing yourself with omega 6 vegetable oils, your brain say’s;

‘HEY, YOU BOYS IN THE ENGINE ROOM….... WE'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE SOON’

So it sends a message to the brain to release various chemicals to get you just high enough, so as you’ll go catch a fucking rabbit, or something decent to eat, for survival.

It gives you a boost of energy so you can do two vital things.

Hunt for survival and fuck to pass your genes on if you fail.

Ever wonder why the starving Africans with pot bellies and flies around them are still carrying newborn babies?

Ever wonder why, or how they have the energy to shag each other on a diet consisting of a handful of maize a week? Well, now you know.

So don’t fall for the Mr Vegan, fruitarian, vegetarian with super high energy, and their adverts of; ‘you can be just like me for $95’ bollocks.

His or her body is near death, and that’s where the energy is coming from, and not some higher spiritual realm, and definitely not through their shit, nutrient devoid food.

It’s through ‘Stress Hormones’.

Because of malabsorption of minerals through overconsumption of wheat gluten, high estrogen from soy, flax, beans, peas, seeds and lentils, and the ‘goitrogenic’ effects of many vegetarian staples like peanuts and vegetable oils and spreads, the thyroid function takes a shit on many vegetarians.

Think of the ones you know are thin and always cold, even when you feel comfortable.

As thyroid function plummets something else has to take over, and thankfully we do have a backup system in the way of cortisol and adrenaline.

These stress hormones are designed to get us out of trouble in an emergency, and not to be switched on 24/7.

This explains why so many vegetarians, in particular, the females, look like hammered shit, with skin that looks as if it belongs to a person decades older, that just hangs on their faces and covers their gaunt, unattractive marathon runner type muscles.

Now, you go search the net all day long, and you might just stumble across that truism, but I very much doubt it.

The reason people think clearer and feel more ‘up’ or ‘buzzy’ during fasting, is only partially down to the saved energy from the digestive rest their taking.

It’s more down to the chemical cocktail being prepared in your vast chemical warehouse (brain), that senses you need to eat soon, or you’ll be in trouble.

We can do that by shopping online, or calling a takeaway nowadays, but our Palaeolithic brains don’t know this, and usually eating involves physical effort, which takes energy, so it makes some for you via the stress hormones.

If you don’t use that energy to hunt, you’ll come across as very energetic, or even high, or hyper, to most people you meet.

Hope you get that point, and the next time you’re sitting opposite some scrawny, turtlenecked, spaced out veggie with glassy eyes, that tells you he wakes up at 5.00 am and does his yoga and meditation, you can have a little giggle.

Ask them what time they go to bed, and it’ll be fucking ‘stupid o’clock’.

9.00 pm, or even earlier.

Why?

Because there’s not much hunting done by humans after dark, is there?

But as the sun comes up, you need to be out there making the most of the light, and burning that energy on hunting, long before the mid-day sun.

Except this prick’s body will be screaming; ‘hey man, what’s with all this chi gung and fucking yoga crap, go kill a chicken or a snake’

I’ve seen some vegetarians hit a brick wall as early as 8.00 pm. They simply can’t keep their eyes open an hour after dark and, whilst I’ve nothing against early risers, you’ll still find the meat eaters who wake before 6, still going strong at 11 pm or later.

When you hear some idiot talk about a vegetarian their in awe of or admire, you’ll hear things like; “oh, he’s so healthy, he gets up every day at sunrise and does his yoga, then meditates, he takes such good care of himself, and he’s always so full of energy”

Great, telephone him every night at 11.00 pm, and see if you can get any sense out of Mr high energy, or better yet, invite him out dancing every night of the week for a month, and he’ll be dead at the end of it!

This Vegan High is one trip you never want to experience, and now you know why.

Cry bye.

Blunt Coach Andy.