Do I believe you can turn a greyhound into a bulldog?
Nah.
Do you?
If you do, then your cannon fodder for the salesmen out there trying to hock their various bullshit; ‘Becoming the Alpha products’
Let me explain, and as usual, I’ll use real-life experience to make my points.
I decided to do my sprint interval training this morning for a change.
I’d rather do it in the evenings for mobility reasons, but it’s getting up to 35 degrees during the day, and still 30 at night, not to mention running flat out in the pitch dark, so I thought I’d try an early morning session. Plus, I’m due to go to the gym with Steve later this afternoon and wanted to leave 8 or 9 hours in between for recovery.
On my third set of six sprints, and at my flat out top speed, my right hamstring went ‘Twang’.
I was so fucking angry at myself, I can laugh about it now, but limping back home, and praying it was nothing more than a bad cramping spasm, or minor tear at worst, it gave me the inspiration for this article.
I went for a swim as soon as I got back, so it surely can’t be a bad injury, or it wouldn’t have allowed me much movement at all, let alone ten minutes of breaststroke.
I stretched and massaged it as best I could, rubbed Tiger Balm in, and for the rest of the day, I shall be consuming every natural supplement and food under the sun, to reduce the inflammation.
Icing is bullshit by the way, as it simply serves to slow the process of my body getting rid of the damage, at the exact same time as bringing in new building materials for the repair, all via the blood.
Think of it as a construction site. They knock the old building down, and all that shit has to be removed off-site, meanwhile, the materials turn up for the new house to be built, yes?
So how’s that process made any easier by providing ‘Arctic conditions’?
Do you think blood flows faster or slower when it’s frozen?
I don’t need to numb the discomfort, I need to get better, and heal.
Oh, what a warrior, some might say, or looking at me, an Alpha.
Fuck no!
When I was angry, it was because I’d done the sprints only 3 nights ago, or it would have been 3 nights had I done them tonight, so I was pissed off for not allowing myself enough rest for starters.
Then I was angry because the day before yesterday I’d done kettlebell swings. This always fucks my hamstrings! How the hell did I not take that into account?
Why did I also not take into account that Steve and I were out and about yesterday, and spent most of the day saying; ‘I’m Sweating like a Cunt’ (Ben Kinsley, Sexy Beast).
You sweat minerals out sometimes faster than you can put them back, especially when you exercise at 30+ degrees.
Most days we take a teaspoon of Himalayan pink crystal salt, straight in the mouth, and quickly washed down with a glass of water. Effective, but makes me gag. Some days I do, and some days I don’t.
Guess what I didn’t do yesterday, or this morning?
And finally, I was pissed off at expecting a 58-year-old body to perform the way I want it to, especially after only 5 hours sleep last night.
All perfectly reasonable excuses, or reasons I’m sure you’ll agree with, but you know what?
None of those trivial factors would have made a blind bit of difference to a real Alpha male!
Don’t fucking kid yourself, or be duped into thinking you’ll become top dog, simply by adopting Alpha male traits taught to you by some idiot Navy Seal, Spastic Bodybuilder, or a complete female seduction twat that was a virgin till he was 30 but has now fucked over a thousand women.
Do you get my drift?
Do you want to know if you’re an Alpha?
Think back to when you were 12 to 16 years old.
You were probably bigger than most kids, the best fighter, best at soccer, football, you were the quarterback or the centre-forward, you were at the centre of your group of friends, other kids wanted to be like you, or at least hang out with you.
You defended weaker kids against bullies, or perhaps were even a bully yourself.
Your balls dropped, and your voice broke before the other boys, you ‘got your fingers wet’ at 13, and were shaving, drinking, and smoking at 15.
Not you I’m describing?
Then you’re not an Alpha buddy, and never will be as long as you have a hole in your arse!
Welcome to ‘Beta Plus Club’ as I call it.
At 17 I was the puniest little fucker you ever did set eyes on.
Scared of my own shadow after more than a decade of bullying, and stick thin from ‘Forrest Gumping’ my way through life, I was indeed a greyhound.
Fast, agile, and as cunning as a fox that had just received a degree in cunning perhaps, but no Alpha.
My first Karate lesson consisted of looking like a right prick because I walked into the class wearing a Black Gi (Uniform).
I’d seen it in the sports shop and thought ‘fuck wearing a white one, I want some of that Ninja shit’
The instructor was a Gypsy man, married to the British female Karate Champion, so anyone from the Lewisham area will know who I’m talking about.
After telling me how hard he was, and that no one had ever managed to rip the big earring he wore out of his ear, which was a strange thing to tell a puny 17-year-old lad, he continued with;
‘Only black belts can wear black Gi’s, take it off and do it in your pants, or go home’.
I did my first Karate lesson, skinny as a rake, in my boxer shorts!
Not that it scored me any points because he tossed me to his pit bull wife who, along with some other female Amazonians, kicked the shit out of me for 90 minutes.
I never knew she was British champ till I met her again 10 years later.
This was 10 years after being coached by the world’s greatest martial arts practitioner, coach, athlete and mentor, Steve Morris.
‘Mad Morris’, as he was known as at the time, or referred to as ‘The Power King of Karate’ didn’t suffer fools gladly, and after 10 years with him, I’d packed on 40lbs of solid muscle, had knuckles like mini eggs, and could fight.
I’d been promoted, and given a set of keys to a Dojo in Dulwich, and found my way to the local Martial Arts wholesaler to buy some uniforms, belts, and weapons etc. at wholesale prices.
Guess what fat amazon was sat behind the counter?
She owned a chain of karate schools and this wholesale company, was a millionaire, and as wide as she was tall. I never forget a face, especially if I owe it a punch!
I got on ok with her to be fair, though she didn’t have a clue who I was, other than the fact I was one of Mad Morris’s students, which is a blowjob worthy accolade in martial arts circles.
You get asked ‘so how long were you with him then’? because no one lasted longer than a day or a few months. So if you said you’d been with him and still were, for a few years, it spoke volumes about your character and abilities.
Five years later still, I needed to get liability insurance to teach in a local school, but you needed to be affiliated to a bullshit ‘Governing Body’ to get the insurance, and this self-elected bullshit governing body had to assess you or grade you before providing insurance cover.
So guess who ran such a governing body, and recommended me for membership?
I turned up to be ‘Assessed’ by these wankers and wore a ‘Black Gi’ and a white belt.
I’d fantasized about the Gypsy, or his lardy arsed wife, being there to tell me to take it off again, but it turned out they were long divorced.
I asked that I have some students to help demonstrate on, since I was expected to go through a typical 2-hour session, but knew this would take a bit longer!
After 3 hours they were begging me to stop. Half their students had flaked out in the first 30 minutes, due to the severity of our ‘Preparation Drills’ as they were called.
A warm up on steroids might be a good way to describe it, especially for people not used to push-ups on knuckles and backs of wrists etc., let alone bashing body parts together, shins, forearms wrists etc. for conditioning purposes, which I’d done with each of the eight brown, and two black belt students.
Bear in mind I’d been doing this drill twice a week with Mad Morris himself, and three times a week with my own students, so destroying the arms and shins of ten Shotokan men was a doddle.
The panel of 5 ‘experts’ were only able to award me a second dan, since their Goju ‘expert’ (the system I studied) was only a fourth dan himself, and only able to grade two levels beneath him.
He didn’t have a fucking clue what I was about either, and just looked grateful I never pulled the fat fucker onto the floor for a demo on him.
I was in a mood that night I can tell you, as well as in my prime at 33!
I got my poxy insurance and 2nd dan certificate, slung that, and the £4 black belt they gave me in a nearby bin, laughed at the panel of wankstains, and fucked off.
All the respect you see in martial arts demo’s, movies and on YouPube, is bullshit.
There is plenty of respect in the right places, but you won’t find many Silverbacks bowing down to Chimpanzees in true martial arts.
The respect you might observe is a bunch of losers all in the same boat, and shitting themselves at the thought of things slipping back in time, with challenge matches and so on. Or even their own students fronting up to them.
You should be able to walk into their club, challenge the instructor, beat the snot out of him, and take his students under your wing.
I know we don’t live in feudal Japan or China, or for that matter old Europe, but if you were a shit sword fighting or gladiator coach, you’d be found out pretty quick, and called to order.
We fucking hate them with a vengeance for their incompetence and are a bit jealous of their success and wealth.
Would you believe only the Chimps make the serious money in martial arts!
The lowest common denominator is sadly where the money’s at.
If the instructor is driving anything more than a moped, or wearing Armani, then the system’s been sufficiently watered down, so as a ton of CrossFit types can think their hard, and progress steadily up the belt system.
Which incidentally, was only invented by the founder of Judo, to keep children motivated. Proper dojo’s go from white belt to black.
Black belt, or ‘1st dan’, basically means 1st level or step. If you press the button for the first floor in an elevator, you don’t expect to see 8 or 9 stops in between, do you!
So if your over 12 years old, and wear a pretty coloured belt other than black or white, your instructor thinks you’re such a retard, you’d quit without the constant stimulation of a new belt, every 3 to 6 months!
So any excuse to give one of them a slap, especially in front of their students, without risk of prosecution, is golden.
Since then I’ve had plenty of run-ins with so-called Alpha’s, and put several in hospital, in their place in the business arena, or actually been friends with them.
But would that make me one of them, if indeed they were even Alphas?
No.
Enter the Alpha Trainer!
In a desperate attempt to make a world full of ‘Runner Ups’ feel better, there has been much confusion over who is and isn’t Alpha, or how to become one.
It doesn’t matter, but for starters, if you think every SAS or Navy Seal guy is an Alpha, then think again.
They’re order takers and of the worst kind. They have to be able and willing to take innocent lives when ordered to do so.
Calling it collateral damage, or a necessary evil, is all well and good.
You still have a bunch of guys being controlled by someone else. These so-called Alpha’s, willingly surrender their lives so as to be able to continue to play Soldiers, Cops and Robbers, or Cowboys and Indians, only well into their 30’s.
Great guys no doubt. But being told where and when to sleep, what to eat, who to shoot at, and what time the lights are going out without questioning any of it, is not the behaviour of a leader.
Show me an Alpha soldier, and I’ll show you a man with a dishonourable discharge, and a mind of his own.
Alpha’s are not fucking pets, toy’s, nor political puppets for anybody to order around or send to their deaths. Those people are called ‘Mugs’
And while I’m bashing on the Charlie, Uniform, November, Tango’s in the armed forces, it should get mentioned that the Samurai, the Spartans, Greeks (obviously), and the Ottomans, were all benders (historical fact)!
The Navy doesn’t even need an honourable, shirt lifting mention, in the gay department I hope.
So, for you straight guys reading this, if being ‘Trained’ by an ‘Uphill Gardener’ is your idea of an Alpha, then Uncle Sam will provide the lube.
The military had a ‘Don’t ask don’t tell’ policy towards male on male rape, which President Obama repealed in 2011. Still, according to the Pentagon, only around 15,000 men still report getting ‘Alphad in the Arse’ each year.
The American Psychological Associations findings, reported in the Washington Times, suggest the figure is 210,000 ‘Alpha Anal’ traumas each year.
With just about 1 million men in active service, and giving the married ones (52%) the benefit of the doubt, it leaves around 500,000 men with an average age of 28, sharing 210,000 ‘Alpha Arse’ incidents.
I’m not a statistician, but that seems like an awful lot of ‘Alpha Fudge Packing’!
If it’s not army guys, its bodybuilders touting this Alpha nonsense.
That’s dudes who, when not looking in a mirror at themselves, or eating out of ridiculous Tupperware box’s every 2 hours, spend most of their time looking at other dudes, who are oiled up, cleanly body shaven and wearing thongs, on a stage, with a predominantly male audience.
In their spare time, these guy’s like nothing better than to thumb through bodybuilding magazines which might as well be male underwear catalogues!
And that’s Alpha behaviour, is it?
And their hero of hero’s ‘Arnold’ say’s (I quote) “the most satisfying feeling you can get in the gym is the pump. … It’s as satisfying to me as cumming is, you know, as in having sex with a woman and cumming.”
Erm, I seriously doubt Arnie even had a girlfriend when he said that, and was more into oiling his buddies up and posing for them.
And why do you suppose he had to make the point about ‘having sex with a woman and cumming’? I think most of us straight guys didn’t need clarification on where we men like to dump our loads. Just saying.
I’m toying with the idea that the Alpha may even be a myth, at least in our modern age.
I’ve met men who send shivers down the spine with their animal intent, and a savage outlook on violence, yet then seen them get bitch slapped or pussy whipped by, ‘she who must be obeyed’.
Ancient Alpha’s, perhaps King Leonidas of Sparta, Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Attila the Hun, Julius Caesar, Napoleon Bonaparte, and so on, ruled huge slices of the world, and were never deemed the Alpha because of how much pussy they could pick up in a nightclub full of easy tarts, or for how much they could bench press!
I think the Bodybuilders, Soldiers, Casanovas and Cross Fitters, have been smelling their own farts a bit too much, as well as the sniff of a pound note or dollar to be earnt from poor saps looking to upgrade from Beta to Alpha, to solve all their problems.
Besides, my understanding regarding the Alpha all comes from the animal kingdom, where life’s a little less complex. You can sum up being the Alpha there, in just one word;
Dominance!
We have just too many social circles in this day and age.
So a guy can be an Alpha at a party on Saturday, a Beta with his father at Sunday lunch, and a grovelling little wanker with his boss on Monday morning.
You sacrifice the man you are and your true identity when you pretend to aspire to something you’re incapable of or is non-existent in the context your looking to use it in.
If there are more than a hundred Alpha males in the world right now, you’d probably find them in maximum security prisons, mental institutions, or running North Korea!
Even 70 years ago, you could kill a man on the street in Tokyo, and go unmolested by the police if it was considered justice, or a matter of honour.
But in today’s Japan, a dude with a drawn Samurai sword looking for the man who dishonoured his family will be stunned, handcuffed, and incarcerated.
You wouldn’t want to be an Alpha today, not in the traditional historical sense, where it might have meant something, you know, a bit of world domination type of thing.
Interestingly, none of these Alpha trainers seems to have come from the business world. Perhaps their smart enough to know that being a billionaire, or multimillionaire business owner, is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Do you think an Alpha businessman would be fat, balding, impotent, hypertensive, and already have had his first heart attack before 50?
Ruthless, money grabbing fuckers perhaps, but not Alpha’s!
If you must use this terminology, then think in terms of Beta Plus, Beta or Beta Minus, because if you’re not totally dominant in just about every aspect of your life, and in all your social circles, then you’re a Beta of some description.
And no, I don’t think there’s such a thing as an Alpha Minus!
What, an Alpha with ‘L plates’ Are you kidding me!
You’ll certainly find enough information on this site to elevate you from Beta minus, up to Beta and Beta plus, but Alpha’s are born in heaven, not manufactured on earth!
Not even by the ‘Almighty Alpha Blunt Coach’ himself I’m afraid.
The dangers I see in all this, are that if you’re just a regular guy who does pretty ok in life, but maybe wants more success with the ladies, then someone selling you the idea of becoming something you currently aren’t, either to elevate themselves in the world, or to sell more product, kind of superglues the problem back to you.
The More You Resist about You, the More It (your problem) Persists about You!
The more you give power and meaning to what you aren’t, then the more likely you are to stay what ‘you think’ you are, in other words, so be careful.
Some guys can break through this and become pussy magnets for sure, but these fast responders were already walking around with a big light bulb on top of their heads, so one or two tricks from the guru just flipped the switch that was already there.
After a few early successes, and with confidence soaring, they never look back.
Alas, only 10% of wannabe Alpha’s will be like this, and they’re the ones you’ll see in the testimonials.
The vast majority of men seeking to improve themselves with the ladies have a candle atop of their heads, which is a damn site harder to light, goes out with the slightest breeze (adversity), as well as giving off considerably less light.
When the wax (the guru) runs low, and the light begins to dim, the student will need to buy more CD’s, DVD’s, or attend a ‘Master Alpha’ course etc.
These dudes will not be writing testimonials.
And all you’re ever going to get from these coaches is a bag of neat tricks to use, many of which will seem painfully obvious when you learn them, to pick up and bed more easy women.
Or you’ll learn some cool linguistic and body language tools to help better communicate with your boss, or negotiate a pay rise.
You might even learn some faggy bodybuilding tips to build your shoulders, arms, and butt (since according to them, that’s all women care about when selecting a mate).
But you’ll still be you, only with an arsenal of tips, tricks, and bigger arms to assist you in reaching your desires.
You’ll have moved up from Beta minus, to a Beta.
If you practice long enough and keep learning, you’ll get to Beta Plus in your chosen field.
It’ll still be the same old you, except you’ll have put some time and effort into developing yourself into a better ‘Version’ of the same guy.
A Dalmatian with a beautiful collar, leash, and kennel, but still a Dalmatian!
If you understand this, you won’t find yourself getting fucked up by a Pitt Bull one day, because you ‘Adopted’ the behaviour of, and hung out where Pitt Bulls hang out.
You’re just fine as you are, with a lot of room for improvement, which is how it’s supposed to be.
How boring would life be, if we were truly masters of all we survey!
Now, armed with this Blunt Coach angle on this Alpha issue, when you do try out these so-called ‘Alpha’ tricks, tips or techniques, and things don’t work out right away, or even after a few tries, you’ll instantly know it’s simply down to lack of practice or preparation, and nothing to do with you being an unworthy Beta who can’t live up to the Alpha ideal.
So you’ll stick with the programme, and ultimately achieve your goal, rather than bail after ten tries, which ‘obviously’ (not) proves you don’t have what it takes.
If you foolishly keep the ‘Alpha’ as your goal and get some knockbacks, then, after you’ve licked your wounds, and maybe gone another six months without a girlfriend or a pay rise, you’ll latch onto another ‘Alpha Trainer’ who has perhaps just enough difference from the last one, and convince yourself to give it another shot.
I know many guys in their mid-20’s that have all the CD’s, videos and courses, of 4 different ‘Alpha Experts’ (wankers)
Basically, they’re trying to put a band-aid on a major wound.
I’d stop the bleeding first, let the wound coagulate, and then the band-aid (tips, tricks etc.) will work just fine.
I’d help you build ‘you’ first, and then layer the techniques on top of that foundation. Make sense?
And we do this by explaining why you/we, are the way we are, what makes us tick, and what we are and aren’t, and why.
And I’m not an Alpha any more than any anybody reading this is likely to be, except I’m smart enough to understand it.
I also understand that being the Alpha in your particular field or profession, an athlete, for example, isn’t really what the word was meant for.
Alpha = Total Dominance, period.
I don’t have that, and am not even sure I would want it, or strive to work towards it.
How about you?
Blunt Coach Andy
Have a great day, from Beta-Plus Blunt Coaches Andy and Steve.
